As you know I don’t ask you for a lot, however for the upcoming school year I’d like to ask for just one thing for all the parents out there. Of course, I know you’ll look after our kids to keep them safe and do your best to ensure that they learn, etc. That’s table stakes for you. There’s just one thing that would really be great…
Help us get our kid’s asses out of bed every morning.
When I use the term “asses”, I mean it in the most loving and adorable way. It would just be SO helpful if you could perform some lifting from way up there each day to ensure that those two mounds of precious flesh jump right off the mattress.
If you could make them smile in the process, that would be great, but I understand that’s a lot to ask. Brushing their teeth and getting dressed without complaining would be a super bonus, but I’ll totally settle for just the asses. And again, I speak for all parents here.
Not complaining, but as you know we’re getting old. We’re working hard over here, and the morning is even harder for us than for our little miracles. The back isn’t what it once was, not sayin’ that I’m not thankful for the back that you gave me, just sayin’ I take a little while to warm up. Plus, that amazing gift called “coffee” that you so graciously gave to us typically doesn’t kick in until after we’ve attempted to rouse the wee ones. And don’t misunderstand me, I’m thankful for the buzz it does provide. It’s just that any help you could provide while it’s working its magic would be appreciated, across the globe. You’d probably even get some converts out of the effort.
Why am I asking for this one thing, when I know you’d be open to a much broader request? Honestly (not that it matters because you know when I’m being honest or not) if each day had an easy start, the chances that the rest of the day would go well greatly increase. Not that you aren’t trying to help us throughout every normal day, it’s more that we’re weak creatures who fall apart and get derailed easily. As you know from what we did with your son and stuff. Yikes, sorry if that is kind of offensive.
Alright, I’ve taken up enough of your time. I promise not to ask for anything else for a LOOONNNNNG time if you can help here. I look forward to seeing your glory each and every school morning this year. Amen.
P.S. Sorry again about using the word “asses”.