The Top 5 Signs That Your Toddler Has Street Cred

Yes, it’s been a few entries now since I’ve employed click baiting.  Alas, I’m at it again, this time with the continuation of my series on street cred and children.  My previous two, The Top 5 Signs That Your Newborn Has Street Cred and The Top 5 Signs That Your Grade Schooler Has Street Cred, have changed lives everywhere.  So let’s continue our discussion.

Without further ado, I’m excited to present The Top 5 Signs That Your Toddler Has Street Cred:

  1. They eat salmon
  2. They attend preschool 10X5
  3. They play hide and seek without telling you they are playing hide and seek
  4. They decide when it’s time to be potty trained
  5. They swear

As always, let’s take a ganders at each of these…

They Eat Salmon

As any adult knows, no two pieces of salmon taste alike.  From bland to robust, fishy to fatty, eating salmon is like going into the magic treasure box at the dentist.  You might get an awesome magnifying glass, but there’s also a chance that you’ll come away with jacks (the game that is).  Salmon is healthy and often tasty, but a risky proposition.  Toddlers with street cred don’t care, they love salmon so much they’ll eat it leftover.  The irony of course is that they still won’t eat their vegetables.

They Attend Preschool 10X5

10X5 you say?  10 hours a day, 5 days a week.  7:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m., powering through playground sessions, finger painting and snack cups, toddlers with street cred work a 50 hour week.  Which is more than most adults.  Some of them do this out of necessity, as both parents work full schedules, others just love the grind.

They Play Hide And Seek Without Telling You

All of the age groups have at least one power move on their parents, just to let them know who is in charge.  Toddlers with street cred love to disappear, putting their mom and dad into a tizzy.  When found in some dark corner of a closet, after several minutes of parental panic, they let their pawns know that hide and seek is on.  Players.

toddler

A toddler, chillin’. This specimen hits on #1, #3 and #5. In other words, close to having street cred but no cigar.

The Decide When It Is Time To Be Potty Trained

Toddlers with street cred may or may not be potty trained.  The main point is that THEY decide when it happens.  No level of planning or bribing on your part will make a damn bit of difference.  If they still wear diapers they look you in the eye with a steely glare and tell you they are pooping.  If they are potty trained they did it on their own.  Chances are one day you walked into the bathroom and they were standing on the seat, delivering their waste with military precision directly into the toilet.  Gnarly.

They Swear

I’m certainly not endorsing swearing here, but toddlers with street cred drop bombs…F bombs, S bombs, A bombs, etc.  Many of these toddlers are from well heeled families, but they grasp the power of the occasional swear word from their early age.  Using these words to out their potty mouthed parents, swearing is another subtle power play that let’s the world know they mean business.  Effin’ A!

‘NUFF SAID

That’s what I know on toddlers and street cred.  Stay tuned for my findings on middle schoolers.